The Wire

I've been very silent these last few weeks, almost as if I am a new person, not the same as I have been this last year.  I wonder to myself lately whether or not this means I am healing because as they say "time heals all wounds." Or am I just running from my past by putting it aside and forcing myself to run, to run to a universe much different to the one I'm living in....I'm not sure... Lately I've been having a lot of dreams, for the first time in years I've been remembering little snippets of these dreams.  They are mostly of my past life, of my husband, of my first love, and of my childhood memories.  Maybe this is the way I'm coping with my past, by remembering all of these painful memories in my sleep.  Maybe my mind has latched on to which remedy is best for my heart, It's almost less painful when I dream of my husband because I can't feel that gut wrenching feeling of a blade cutting through my veins.  I don't know how I've m...

This afternoon as I was driving down the open fields of the long winding country road behind my house I was captivated by the icy green fields extending over miles and the glistening long river that ran through the fields.  I felt care free and at home surrounded by such beauty.  I suddenly realized how I had an endless list of possibilities ahead.  I thought of the journey I had ahead and the years of solitude I would have once I had done my job of being a mother.  But I did not want to sit in a quiet room sipping cups of tea and watching telly. I always knew that my life had a different purpose.  I wanted to be a voice for the voiceless in countries extending farther than the west.  I wanted to be centered right in the middle of a conflict and be a walking stick for the ones who had no one standing up for them.  My need to help people and my love for caring and giving kindness to others and being ever so forgiving is no longer a curse to me as I hav...

Last night as I drove through the busy lit roads looking at the bright evening sky with the wind blowing in my face I thought of you.  I thought of you and wondered where you were, what you were doing, what you were thinking, and if, just if, there were any ifs in your mind......On nights like this I feel like the skies above me feel my sorrow and yet somehow I feel free..maybe its because I feel one when immersed in such beauty or maybe because it's those times that I can be true to myself and you...who knows..but I still hear the voices and questions in my head, the minute I'm alone or lying in bed or when I open my eyes to the bright specks of sunlight streaming through my curtains and the innocent singing of the mockingbird outside my bedroom window, I hear them, it's as if with your exit came a new companion for me, my own companionship, my twin who always lived in my subconscious but far from haunting me, now she haunts me every day with her continuous questions....Wh...

So it's that time of the year again.  Cardigans, warm socks, big mugs of coffee and hot chocolate, nice quiet evenings by the telly or curling up to read a nice romantic novel, salting the driveway, waking up early to shovel the beautiful glistening snow in the early morning moonlight. Before we welcome Winter to our doors we must first welcome its best friend, Autumn.  I love Autumn mainly for  how crisp it feels in the morning and the bright vibrant colors the leaves change to.  I love watching my kids excitedly collect big gigantic leaves in all sort of colors and sizes so that we can make our Fall collage.  I like hearing the wind howl at night as it blows the leaves to and fro making all sorts of noises.  The colors that this season brings is just breathtaking, it makes you take seconds out of your days and evenings to marvel over God's creations...makes you realize that anything and everything is possible. And Fall brings with it a season of new be...

Liza quickly darted in between the bushes hoping to be as far as she could from the house and the rest of civilization. She wanted to be as alone and far as possible from them all. The looks of sympathy and pity were becoming the death of her. The voices of people and the looks they gave her were like ten deaths over and over again. It seemed that the world had reached a verdict and the verdict was that they would not let her grieve on her own. Liza As I ran down the hill and darted through the maze of bushes towards the cliff for a fleeting second I pondered over whether or not I should jump to my death. One jump would end it all. The looks of sympathy and disdain would forever be out of my mind. Lost in myself I suddenly came to an abrupt stop and was standing at the edge of the cliff. I took one step forward and looked down. It was a beautiful sight. The water was sparkling in the glorious sun as seagulls glided to and fro looking for their morning meal. The sky was painted so b...