When do break ups get easier? Why is it easier for men to forget but we women hold on to all the memories, the sweet banter exchanges, the romantic looks, the annoying habits, and so much more. I still have the parking ticket from the beach we went to 4 years ago while we were on our first away vacation. It was so nice so romantic.... Why does it hurt that someone you loved so much and thought you couldn't live without suddenly turns out to be someone so different. Was it another façade? Another fake love story made up in your head "fairy taled," Yes I am going through a break up or that's what I think it is. Love really is so over rated it is so fucked up. They don't make men like they used back in the day. The Cary Grant and Gone with the Wind love stories no longer exist. I pass by an old couple watch as they walk hand in hand and always wonder will I ever find that kind of love. Clearly it's not looking too hot. At 35 almost 36 I should stop dreaming. My therapist says I need to focus on myself. I need to first love myself. Self love she says. I went to talk to a therapist one day, first time ever in my life. Anyway, so I go to this therapist I take a seat in her dim lit office and she asks me to talk about myself. I hesitated how does one start off by talking about themselves!? I've always been very modest but as I started to share my achievements I felt proud of myself. I'm a fighter. I've gone through so much in life. But then she started to delve in more ..after that first appointment I never went back. I realized therapy isn't my thing, But she was right , I need to focus on self love. Self love I find that so ironic... so many reasons why we don't practice self love. Covid being one of the main culprits, who's always happy these days with all the death we are surrounded by. I am planning on taking a trip though after this virus. Some where hot, sunny, and pretty! Till next time xoxo
Last night as I drove through the busy lit roads looking at the bright evening sky with the wind blowing in my face I thought of you. I thought of you and wondered where you were, what you were doing, what you were thinking, and if, just if, there were any ifs in your mind......On nights like this I feel like the skies above me feel my sorrow and yet somehow I feel free..maybe its because I feel one when immersed in such beauty or maybe because it's those times that I can be true to myself and you...who knows..but I still hear the voices and questions in my head, the minute I'm alone or lying in bed or when I open my eyes to the bright specks of sunlight streaming through my curtains and the innocent singing of the mockingbird outside my bedroom window, I hear them, it's as if with your exit came a new companion for me, my own companionship, my twin who always lived in my subconscious but far from haunting me, now she haunts me every day with her continuous questions....Wh...
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